The Closet

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0><script type="text/javascript" src="http://hb.lycos.com/hb.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript" src="http://ratings.lycos.com/ratings/lycosRating.js.php"></script> <script type="text/javascript"><![CDATA[//><!]]></script> <script type="text/javascript" src="http://scripts.lycos.com/catman/init.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript" src="http://members.tripod.com/adm/ad/code-start.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript" src="http://members.tripod.com/adm/ad/code-middle.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript" src="http://members.tripod.com/adm/ad/code-end.js"></script> <noscript> <img src="http://members.tripod.com/adm/img/common/ot_noscript.gif?rand=474652" alt="" width="1" height="1" />  <iframe frameborder="0" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" width="728" height="90" src="http://ad.yieldmanager.com/st?ad_type=iframe&ad_size=728x90&section=209094"></iframe>  </noscript> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0><tr> <td valign="top" colspan=2 height=90 BGCOLOR="#006699" TEXT="#080000" background="06c085a3.jpg"> <div> <FONT SIZE="5" COLOR="#FFFFFF" FACE="Arial" ><B>The David Kaye Web Site</b></FONT><B>    </b><B> |     </b><A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The David Kaye Web Site"><U><B>home</b></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id45.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Backstreet Boys"><U>Backstreet Boys</U></A>   |   <B>The Closet</b>   |   <A HREF="id28.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Cobbler"><U>Cobbler</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id35.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Descartes Contributions to Contemporary "><U>Descartes' Contributions to Contemporary Mathematics</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id29.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Eoanthropus dawsonii"><U>Eoanthropus dawsonii</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id36.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Gays in the Military"><U>Gays in the Military</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id37.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Gonads of Leibniz"><U>The Gonads of Leibniz</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id31.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Gooey Eyes"><U>Gooey Eyes</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id46.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Nice Try"><U>A Nice Try</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id44.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Old Things"><U>Old Things</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id38.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Person"><U>Person</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id19.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Positive/Negative"><U>Positive/Negative</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id43.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Sermon on Masturbation"><U>A Sermon on Masturbation</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id42.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Stratfords 1999 West Side Story"><U>Stratford's 1999 West Side Story</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id41.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Sysiphean Predicament"><U>The Sysiphean Predicament</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id34.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="And This is My Beloved"><U>And This is My Beloved</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id40.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="What Would Jesus Do?"><U>What Would Jesus Do?</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id39.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Womens Fashions"><U>Women's Fashions</U></A></div> <div> </div> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" width=210 BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000" background="06dd2e83.jpg"> <div> David Aaron Kaye</div> <div> August 18, 1999</div> <div> Introduction to</div> <div> Psychology</div> <div> Dr. Zaremba</div> <div> Term Paper</div> </td> <td valign="top" height=390 BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <I>The Closet</I></div> <div> "The Closet" is an analogy popularly used to describe an experience that is common to all lesbian, bi, gay, and transgendered people. When one denies their own homosexual feelings either to themselves or others, they are said to be "closeted" or "in the closet". The process that one undergoes when they admit their homosexual feelings to themselves or others is commonly referred to as "coming out of the closet".</div> <bR> <div> While most homosexuals experience their first same sex attractions before the age of fourteen, the average age of coming out for males today is nineteen and the average age of coming out for females is twenty-one (Bell 96). Some say they experienced same sex attractions as early as before the age of five while others experience them first when they are middle-aged. For many, this is when the closet begins. For others, the closet begins when they are around five years old and sense that something is different about themselves. They do not know what it is, but they have a sense that it is shameful.</div> <bR> <div> When a child first realizes homosexual feelings, the are feelings are quickly repressed. In most cases, sexual feelings to members of the same sex have not been modeled around them, and even when there are some models, they are far outweighed by heterosexual models by films, parents, significant others, and acquaintances while the few appearances of others openly showing same sex attractions are displayed in a less than positive light on programs such as Jerry Springer and Geraldo Rivera. In schools, children are flooded with peers insulting others with such names as "fag", "homo", and "dyke" and are subjected to listening to homophobic jokes, most of which include references to anal penetration and zoophilia (eg How many fags can you fit on a bar stool? Four if you turn it upside down). Religious leaders often denounce homosexuality and homosexuals, claiming that homosexuals will go to hell.</div> <bR> <div> Those who are closeted often experience stress and depression and have anxiety over others figuring out their sexuality. One of the most intensely stressful symptoms closeted people have is constantly monitoring their behavior, gestures, language, speech, hobbies, and interests to make sure that nothing suggests that they are homosexual. It is very similar to being a spy for one's entire life and having the feeling that there are only two ways out, both unacceptable: suicide and coming out. Indeed, gay and lesbian teenagers are five times more likely to attempt suicide than their straight counterparts. In addition, many experience intense crushes and infatuations that they feel they can't talk about with anyone else or even admit to themselves. When that person they have a crush on begins a relationship with a member of the opposite sex, the closeted person is left to hurt in silence. </div> <bR> <div> One of the most common questions asked by straight people about the closet is "When you are in the closet, do you know you are gay?" The most common answer is yes, because why else would someone come out? But this fails to recognize one of the finer points of repression of one's identity. While a person may be experience sexual arousal by members of the same sex, and not experience arousal by members of the opposite sex, the extreme disdain for the label of "gay" keeps them from making the obvious connection and placing the label on themselves. For example, a person may masturbate while fantasizing about members of the same sex, but explains it now as "gay", but that they simply have an admiration for the members of members of the same sex.</div> <bR> <div> For many gay and lesbian people, coming out is the most difficult and rewarding step they ever take. The coming out process usually begins by first coming out to themselves. They do this for various reasons, including a desire to relieve stress and to help themselves to be at peace. Also, many new age religions stress for gay and lesbian people to be out in order to help emotionally to empower themselves. As a result, many people come out shortly after they become part of a new age religion. Often teens come out shortly after moving out of their childhood homes to go away to college. While the home environment has a tendency to make then feel the pressure of their parents' expectations, a new environment gives them an opportunity to establish themselves with a new reputation and a desire to find how people would accept their identity without having their parents find out. Some times the process is rapid, and coming out to friends, family, and co-workers occurs within weeks while others take years, and still others either never come out or come out only to a select few significant others.</div> <bR> <div> Often the reason a person chooses to come out is because of a desire to have sex with members of the same sex, and still remain closeted in all other situations. Often the person will be on the border of being closeted and not, by having sex with members of the same sex, but still calling themselves straight both internally and externally, sometimes justifying it by saying "it was just sex" or that they were "experimenting".</div> <bR> <div> For those who choose to come out to all friends, relatives, and co-workers, the most common feeling is relief. They no longer feel anxiety over others suspecting or finding out about their same-sex attractions. Often the experience of coming out is so liberating that they bring up the subject of their sexuality as often as they can, even in inappropriate circumstances. Fortunately, this behavior goes away as the novelty of being an openly gay or lesbian person wears off.</div> <bR> <div> One of the main problems that people have when choosing to come out is with labeling. This problem takes many forms. One is that the labels of "heterosexual" and "homosexual" are very restrictive. They do not leave room for those who have mostly an attraction to one sex, but still sometimes have an attraction to another. Also, the media, including Jerry Springer, Geraldo Rivera, and Big Gay Al in South Park, give us an idea of what a gay or lesbian person is, but the gay or lesbian closeted person viewing feels that they can identify with none of the characters they see portrayed, and so are at a loss to be able to label their feelings. While the media and other parts of our culture overload the connotations of gay and lesbian, the connotations of bi are at a minimum. What is bi identity? Unlike gay and lesbian identity, bi identity has only nominally been established. Since "bi" is not as popularly known a label as "gay", "lesbian", and "straight", those who are coming out, and especially those who are coming out and can make use of it, are denied it.</div> <bR> <div> "Bi" is a label that people who are coming out often misapply to themselves. For those who are gay or lesbian but are not ready to use the labels "gay" or "lesbian", "bi" provides a convenient alternative. Since it is not as well known as "gay" or "lesbian", it doesn't carry as many stereotypes as the other two. It provides a display that will allow them to have relations with members of the same sex, while not destroying the "ideal" situation of having a heterosexual marriage, a white house with a picked fence, and 2.6 children. They can be both in the closet and out at the same time. (While this is common, many people use it to claim that bis do not actually exist, but are simply choosing the label because they are afraid of another label or because they have yet figured out their sexual orientation. Bisexuals do exist, and are often berated for "not choosing" by those who misunderstand.) It is common for people who come out with one label to then change the label they used to identify their sexual orientation, both from bi to gay or lesbian, and from gay or lesbian to bi.</div> <bR> <div> When people are thoroughly closeted, they rarely plan to come out. Because they plan to remain closeted their entire lives, many continue with the traditional heterosexual façade for a great many years. As a result, there are many gay men and lesbians who are in heterosexual marriages and have children. The coming out process for a married person is particularly hard, because it usually results in the break up of their family. Simply because one is not sexually attracted to their spouse does not mean they don't love them. So many choose to remain in an unhappy situation in order to keep from hurting the ones they love. Those who choose to come out usually do sever the marriage and continue relationships with their children, if they happen to have any. According to one gay man, "The only good thing to ever have come from my three years of marriage was my son."</div> <bR> <div> Since ancient times, there have not been so many people coming out about their same sex attractions as now. This fascinating phenomenon has spurred much interest. One of the leading theorists on this subject is John D'Emilio. In his essay "Capitalism and Gay Identity", D'Emilio explains that gay identity in the Western world did not exist until the end of the nineteenth century in the United States. As he explains,</div> <bR> <div> The white colonists in seventeenth-century New England established villages structured around a household economy, composed of family units that were basically self-sufficient, independent, and patriarchal. Men, women, and children farmed land owned by the male hear of the household. Although there was a division of labor between men and women, the family was truly an interdependent unit of production: the survival of each member depended on the cooperation of all (469).</div> <bR> <div> While gay men and lesbians existed throughout this time period, the importance of the family unit forced them to remain closeted. Under industrial capitalism, the emphasis shifted from the family as the unit to the individual as the unit. Industrial capitalism recognized the individual as a waged laborer (470). Since each person does not necessarily have the economic welfare of a family dependent upon them, the person had the opportunity to investigate alternative lifestyles. This became particularly useful for gay and lesbian people because it meant that they would no longer be forced into a heterosexual family and thus could seek non-heterosexual, non-reproductive lifestyles. The gay lifestyle.</div> <bR> <div> One of the most common tools that people who are closeted use to help convince others that they are straight is homophobia. Often the strongest perpetrators of homosexuals are homosexual themselves. During the Red Scare of the 1950s, the strongest leader of the homosexual witch-hunts designed to rid the United States' government of homosexuals was Roy Cohn. Roy Cohn was himself a sexually active homosexual in his private life, and one of the strongest homophobes the nation has ever seen in his public life. Ironically, he died of AIDS that he contracted from gay sex in the mid 1980s.</div> <bR> <div> In the spring of 1996 at Michigan State University, the campus's newspaper, The State News, published an editorial by Randy Yeip, one of their leading journalists. The article took a strong stance against same-sex marriages, degrading gay men and lesbians in the process. While some students verbally assaulted him, others took a more passive and pensive stance. In the words of another of MSU's students, "The lady doth protest too much." Mr. Yeip then printed another article a month later trying to take back much of what he said, but it wouldn't be until the following fall that the article would be fully repealed. In another editorial published in The State News September 1996, Mr. Yeip announced that he was gay to all of Michigan State University. He explained that his previous homophobia was an attempt to conceal his true, repressed feelings.</div> <bR> <div> In very recent years, a new and totally unexpected phenomenon has occurred that has helped a great many people come out. The Internet has provided a unique place that gay people can chat with other gay people anonymously. The leader in this is PlanetOut, located at <A HREF="http://www.planetout.com/" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://www.planetout.com/"><U>http://www.planetout.com</U></A>. PlanetOut has set up chat rooms and a great many other resources for those who are questioning their sexuality and thinking about coming out, and also provides a support network that people can fully access anonymously and quickly from within their own homes. PlanetOut also provides links to other communities and resources for gay people on the Internet. In addition, the abundance of gay pornography on the World Wide Web helps those who are questioning their sexuality to affirm their attractions. Many have gone so far as to say that the Internet is responsible for more people coming out then any other single entity.</div> <bR> <div> While coming out is a very healing and empowering experience for most gay and lesbian people, it is not healthy for everyone. The environment that someone is in greatly influences whether coming out is healthy. When a person is in a situation when coming out can result in bodily harm, or other severe consequences, the person has a tough decision to make. I knew a young woman that coming out to her parents would have been very destructive. She was very close with her family and was a minor, and her family was devout Muslim. She believed that if she came out to her parents, she would be sent back to the Middle East where she would be put to death. In the case of Joshua Parton, he was studying to become a lobovitur (a leader within the Jewish community). He realized that if he came out to his rabbis and others within the Hassidic Jewish community, he would be ostracized.</div> <bR> <div> Another reason for not coming out may be financial. A college student who is dependent upon their parents for money for college may choose to remain closeted so that their financial aid will not be cut. In addition, many teens who come out to their parents are evicted from their homes. In the state of Michigan, an employer can still legally fire an employee for being gay or lesbian. Coming out at work can mean losing one's job. Situations in which people would be either physically or verbally assaulted for being a gay or lesbian person are not safe to come out in.</div> <bR> <div> After coming out, some people choose to go back into the closet. Religion often plays a strong role. One man named Kenton Barnes came out when he was twenty-one. With his strong Catholic background, religious leaders were able to convince him that in order to be "saved", he would have to be saved from homosexuality by Jesus. Partly believing he had been heeled and partly denying himself, he started dating a woman and quickly became engaged. After being in the relationship for three years, he came out again.</div> <bR> <div> Similar experiences have happened with those who have engaged in religious groups that claim to cure homosexuality, such as Exodus. Exodus is an organization that holds meetings with support groups for recovering homosexuals. The meetings use a lot of prayer, and each meeting costs around $30 to $40 per weekly meeting. The goal is to be cured within a few years. Since parents often spend thousands of dollars sending their teenagers to Exodus, the teenagers are under extreme pressure to "become straight".</div> <bR> <div> The closet is a severely limiting place for a person to be, and unfortunately all gay, lesbian, bi, and transgendered people go through it. Since people are forever meeting new people, the gay or lesbian person comes out for their entire lifetime. As put by Eve Kosofsky Sedgwich in her "Epistemology of the Closet":</div> <bR> <div> The deadly elasticity of heterosexist presumption means that, like Wendy in Peter Pan, people find new walls springing up around them even as they drowse: every encounter with a new classful of students, to say nothing of a new boss, social worker, loan officer, landlord, doctor, erects new closets whose fraught and characteristic laws of optics and physics exact from at least gay people new surveys, new calculations, new draughts and requisitions of secrecy or disclosure (46).</div> <bR> <div> -</div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> Works Cited</div> <bR> <div> Ball, Alan, et al. <I>Sexual Preference, It's Development in Men and Women</I><I>. Statistical Appendix</I> (Indiana University Press: Bloomington, 1981).</div> <bR> <div> D'Emilio, John. "Capitalism and Gay Identity" in<I> The Gay and Lesbian Studies Reader</I>. Ed. Abelove et al (Routeledge: New York City, 1993) pp 467-476.</div> <bR> <div> Sedwick, Eve Kosofsky. "The Epistomology of the Closet" in <I>The Gay and Lesbian Studies Reader</I>. Ed. Abelove et al. (Routelodge: New York City, 1993) pp 45-61.</div> </td> </tr></table></body>